


Finding My Way to You (by GPS and Google Maps)

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Coming Out, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Dirty Jokes, M/M, Marriage Proposal (not Thorin and Kili), Picnics, Pizza, Sheep, Texting, Top Gear references, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5511665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having an uncle with no sense of direction meant going to many rescue missions. Going to rescue missions meant developing feelings for said uncle. Kili was totally fucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding My Way to You (by GPS and Google Maps)

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s another attempt at something lighthearted, although angst sneaked in around the end. It’s heavily inspired by Top Gear UK which was once one of the few things on TV that I watched. I didn’t plan on posting or writing this but then I realized I could insert Christmas party in this fic, so I wrote it. Thanks to everyone who has answered my questions about Christmas since I don’t celebrate it. Any remaining error is from my lack of research. Also, special thanks to various Top Gear blogs that I stalked for inspiration while writing this. They shall remain nameless because I’m not sure they want to be associated with an incest fic. Now, on with the fic and happy holiday!

When his phone rang, Kili picked it up without looking at the caller ID. His free hand was buried inside his bag, rummaging the contents before sending them to join his books, stationeries, and things which should by now be in museum. “Tell me you have that note, Ori. I need it for my presentation tomorrow!”

There was silence from the other side before a voice which was distinctly not Ori unless Ori had gone through vocal cord surgery to make him sound like audio foreplay, came from the speaker. “Kili?”

Kili could think of very little things he expected less than receiving a phone call from his uncle. They had been close in the past, when Kili wanted to be a robot when he’s older and Thorin was his hero, but the closeness wore off when he realized that Thorin was very much human and Kili was only interested in taking his relation with machines as far as video games and adult website. Those combined with the fact that Kili grew up to become Thorin’s antithesis made Kili perfectly content with the fact that they only met on special occasions, such as when Dwalin decided to challenge Dis or Thorin to a wrestling match. Kili still admired him for his success, if nothing else, but the illusion of perfection had disappeared, taking their close relationship along with it. So, Kili couldn’t say he’s excited to get a sudden phone call from Thorin.

“Thorin? Sorry, I was expecting Ori’s call. What is it?”

Thorin sighed heavily. “I was trying to call Dwalin but I was in a rush and didn’t look at the name I dialed.”

“Oh. But isn’t Dwalin out of the country to get his new axes?” Or was that his new dogs? Why did he keep naming his dogs after his axe collection? Why did any sane person have axe collection at all?

Kili’s train of thoughts was interrupted by Thorin’s answer. “I forgot that,” he admitted.

“Well,” Kili sighed, looking around his messy room. He’d been searching for that note for an hour and either it has become sentient and ran away with his scissors, various keys, and half of his socks or Fili has eaten it. Either way, that presentation wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, so he’d better make himself useful and, the last time he checked, trying to have encyclopedic memory of the content of Redtube didn’t count as being useful. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Again, there was that silence. “Yes, actually,” Thorin finally said slowly, clearly reluctant to admit it. “I need you to come to get me.”

Kili looked around for his car key. At least that one hadn’t gone away with his note. “Sure. Where are you?” He frowned when Thorin mentioned a small town halfway across the country. “What are you doing there and how did you get there?”

“I drove my car. I have a meeting with Dain tomorrow.”

Kili frowned. “Isn’t Iron Hills on the _other_ side of the country?” Kili raised an eyebrow when he received no answer. “Did you get lost?” he asked in disbelief.

Thorin’s very quick reply pretty much confirmed that. “If you don’t want to help…” Thorin growled in warning.

Kili snorted and tried to hide it with a cough, which ended up with his choking. “I never said that. I’ll be right on my way as soon as I’ve completely removed my lungs from my chest. Is there anywhere for you to wait?” he asked, breathless.

“I’ll be in my car.”

And without so much as a thanks or concern for the premature end of Kili’s beautiful young life, Thorin ended the call. Kili rolled his eyes but, after putting his lungs back where they belonged, a few minutes later he was on the road. Thankfully, the cones of Beelzebub that protected the phantom road workers tasked with preventing people from reaching their destinations promptly, mostly kept away of his route, probably frightened away by Thorin’s annoyed glare. It still took him a good couple of hours to reach the small town, though, and half an hour to locate Thorin’s car. The luxury car was parked near a street lamp with Thorin standing next to it like a model on a goth magazine, surrounded by the butts of enough cigarettes to create a new hole on the ozone layer. Thorin dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed it viciously enough with his shoe that it almost ended up on the other side of the world when Kili arrived.

“So how did you…”

“Don’t ask,” Thorin interrupted with a scowl.

Kili barely refrained from rolling his eyes. Trust Thorin to still be so proud despite having lost his way in a country he grew up in while on his way to an office he visited a couple of times a year. “All right. Should we go back home or do you want to go to Iron Hills?”

Thorin looked at him as if he had brought shame to their family, but then sense finally kicked in and he sighed and looked away. “Iron Hills, if you don’t mind.”

Kili led their mini convoy out of the small town. He checked his rearview mirror every so often to make sure that Thorin was still behind him. In the safety of the metal cocoon that was his car, he recalled jokes by Dis and Dwalin-the only ones brave enough to risk the wrath of Thorin because they knew if Thorin killed them he would lose 67% of his close friends-about internal compass shortage in the year of Thorin’s birth. Kili hadn’t understood it, thinking that it was an inner joke between close friends. But it now made sense why Dis and Dwalin always wrapped their gifts for Thorin with maps.

They arrived at Iron Hill some time past midnight. Kili pulled over just before they entered the city and behind him, Thorin followed suit. Kili shivered when he got off his car and pulled his jacket closer around him as he approached Thorin’s car.

“Do you know your way from here?” Kili asked, peering into the car.

“I do,” Thorin replied, nodding. “And I know the way back from here so you don’t have to pick me up.”

Kili bit his tongue to stop himself from smirking. “I’ll go home, then. See you when you get back.”

Thorin didn’t say anything back but Kili didn’t mind. He had probably used up his speech quota for the night. He hurried to the warmth of his car. Just when he got one leg inside, he heard Thorin’s voice.

“Good luck with your presentation.”

Kili looked back in surprise but Thorin had already started his own car, probably not wanting to be caught actually paying attention to someone. Seconds later, they headed to opposite directions. He wondered if Thorin could really manage to find his way in the city but the thought was quickly pushed aside when Ori finally texted him about the note. He didn’t think of it again until he saw Thorin nearly a week later in Dis’s house as Dwalin introduced his new axes, Grasper and Keeper, to the family. Thorin barely paid attention to Kili, but later in the kitchen Kili found a walnut cake, his favorite. Grinning, Kili grabbed some cakes while Fili got them wine and they settled down with Thorin and Dis to watch Dwalin argue that his axes were totally not overcompensation for anything and if they were then what did it say about Balin’s mace heirloom that he religiously polished every night. Fili and Kili sniggered while Thorin remarked about how Balin and Dwalin had quickly used up any kind of oil when the three of them were roommates. Dis made a face and retreated to the kitchen to get something strong like vodka or a hammer. It was a good day.

* * *

The next time Thorin called Kili, he actually read the caller ID. He hesitated for a moment as he was slowly and nicely drifting off to sleep. It was Friday and he had just finished all his classes for the day after skipping sleep last night to finish his assignment in time. He had every intention to rekindle his romance with his bed and phone calls from Thorin meant he would be estranged from his true love again. Still, he’d rather not be responsible for Thorin’s mysterious disappearance from the face of the earth. Kili sighed and received the call.

“Hello?” he greeted reluctantly.

“Kili,” came Thorin’s resigned voice. “Are you busy? I’m… in need of a favor and Dwalin is at the vet with Grasper.”

Kili woke up immediately, alarmed. “Why does he want to kill the vet?”

“The dog, not the axe.”

“Oh,” Well, that was considerably far less interesting, but the potential homicide had made him too alert to go back to sleep. Kili sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m not busy. What can I do for you?”

“I have an event to attend in Greenwood Mansion this evening. I’m somewhere near it but I can’t find where it is precisely.”

Kili raised an eyebrow. “Are you…” He didn’t need to be near Thorin to know that he was scowling. He stopped himself in time and changed the question. “Greenwood Mansion, is it? I’ll look it up. Where exactly are you?”

Thorin didn’t reply for a moment. “I’m not sure,” he admitted as if under the mental torture of trying to hold a lengthy conversation with Oin.

Kili shook his head and went to his laptop to look up the location. “Ok, I’ll call you when I’m around there.”

And that was how a few hours later Kili found himself in a sheep pen, staring at a flock of sheep that seemed to have adopted Thorin’s luxury sedan as their own. He watched them, fascinated, as they grazed around the car, forming some kind of fluffy, herbivorous protective wall around the vehicle. A glance at Thorin beside him told him that Thorin was glaring murderously. Unfortunately, unlike the wise orange cones of Beelzebub, the sheep had formed immunity against Thorin’s glare, proving that they were creatures of higher level of evil. Perhaps Thorin should’ve called a priest instead.

“How do we get your car out of here?” Kili whispered, not wanting to risk the wrath of the sheep.

Thorin frowned. “I live in the city. I don’t even know what those are.”

Kili bit back a smile. “I believe they’re called sheep. Come on, let’s take my car. They’ll probably go away after dark.”

Thorin looked at him curiously. “They’re scared of darkness?”

Kili shrugged and flailed a little. “Aren’t most animals?” Except this one might be devil incarnate. Maybe they got stronger in the dark. He looked at the sheep. Some of them looked back at him. He shuddered. “Let’s find someone to help us.” There must be a church here somewhere.

They walked to Kili’s car which was parked a little away from the field. Kili must admit it’s actually kind of nice to be out here near nature. He spent most of his time in the city where nature had been urbanized and arranged to stay out of people’s way. The air was cleaner, without the added aroma of millions of vehicles, shops, unidentifiable scents, and scents he wished he couldn’t identify. The only thing missing was the sun which only peeked from behind the clouds but quickly hid again whenever Kili glanced up, but it was a well-accepted fact that the sun had grudge against his side of the globe. Still, overall it was a nice afternoon, minus the whole devil incarnate taking hostage of Thorin’s car thing there, of course.

They drove to a nearby town and decided to have a cup coffee before finding help. The locals were staring at Thorin’s formal suit (or maybe his butt) but the man didn’t seem to notice at all. Kili fidgeted awkwardly in his seat. It had been a while since he’d been alone with Thorin for an extended period of time and he wasn’t sure what to talk about. Thorin would be content having a staring match with his coffee but Kili wasn’t so keen on witnessing that and wondering who he had wronged in his previous life to deserve being born into his family.

“Did you say the event is this evening? It’s a bit too early for that, isn’t it?” Kili asked.

Thorin shifted in his seat. “I like being early.”

“Four hours early?”

Thorin glared. Somewhere in the background, a child cried. Kili hid behind his coffee cup until Thorin deemed his coffee more deserving of his glare.

“What’s the event?” Kili asked from behind his fortress of ceramic and caffeine.

“How is college?” Thorin asked at the same time.

They looked at each other, surprised. Kili was the first to break into laughter while Thorin ducked his head, smiling, and for a moment Kili was silenced by surprise. He had seen Thorin smirk too many times to count, but a smile was rare. He flashed it sometimes, but always quickly hid it, as if scared that someone might think badly of him because of it. Kili didn’t understand why. It softened his looks and made people less likely to cower in front of him.

“College is fine. Mostly. I’m still a bit hung over from an assignment, actually. I didn’t sleep last night and had just gotten home when you called.” He shook his head when Thorin looked at him with slightly widened eyes. “It’s fine. I need some clear air, anyway. It’s a nice town and it’s great to be neither in my room or my classes.”

Thorin nodded slowly, looking mildly chastised. Kili sniffed his drink in suspicion. Did they put something weird in it? Was it the strange small town air? Had the sheep done Thorin in?

“Do you like it? Anthropology?” Thorin asked.

“I do,” Kili replied hesitantly. He still remembered look on Thorin’s face when he said he didn’t want to study business or economy. While he had never outright disagreed, he was clearly not entirely approving of Kili’s choice, expecting him to continue their family business as Fili was set to do. It had weighed on Kili’s mind for a good while. He always wanted Thorin’s approval, but he wanted to decide his future on his own instead of living someone else’s dreams. “Are you still angry that I chose it?” Kili asked carefully.

Thorin looked at him in surprise. “I’m never angry because of that,” he denied.

“But you weren’t happy, either,” Kili pointed out.

“Ah, no,” Thorin admitted rather uneasily. “But it’s your choice. I have to accept that.”

Kili frowned. He didn’t expect Thorin to compliment him, but he still expected something less indifferent than that reply. Still, this was Thorin. His professor, Gandalf, would sooner successfully train his pet eagles to be the next environmentally friendly air transportation than Thorin admitted that he was in the wrong. Kili shrugged and tried not to take it to heart. He hoped at least one of the sheep peed on Thorin’s car.

“It is my choice. So, what event are you going to?”

Thorin frowned. “Charity dinner,” he said balefully.

“Sounds dreadful.”

“It is. All those people acting nice while trying to one-up each other and endless questions of where my plus one is…” Thorin stopped, realizing what he had said. He cleared his throat self-consciously. “It’s not my favorite activity,” he said diplomatically.

Kili nodded, suppressing a grin. “Work hazard, eh?”

Thorin sighed. “Yes. Usually I leave it to Balin but we’re negotiating partnership with Thranduil-the host of tonight’s dinner-and Balin thought it would be better if I go myself.”

Kili nodded absently. “Also, Dori is in town so I imagine Balin wouldn’t want to go anywhere unless under threat of unemployment.”

Thorin stilled and widened his eyes. “What?”

“Why else do you think Dori always stays in Balin’s house instead of with Ori or Nori?” Kili laughed at Thorin’s dumbfounded look. “They’ve been together for over a year. We’re all joking that one of them will propose any day now!”

“I thought they’re just old friends.”

“They are, and then some more. Mom said they briefly dated in college. She said the best way to find one of them is to look for the other one in the self-help section of the library.”

“I saw that and joined them sometimes I didn’t think…” Thorin said, horrified. “That would explain why Balin suddenly took up yoga.”

“Tantric yoga?”

Thorin grimaced. “I _really_ would rather not know.”

Kili grinned. “Fair enough. You’ve probably seen enough anyway.” He laughed when Thorin made a face.

Thorin refused to talk about his college days after that and looked a bit pale every now and then when Kili mentioned Balin. To cheer him up, they talked about the charity dinner and the host and all sorts of medieval torture techniques Thorin would love to inflict on him. This lifted his spirit considerably and they spent some time drinking coffee and browsing for cursed jewelries to gift to Thranduil.

They rescued Thorin’s car after they finished their coffee and purchased a necklace. Some brave kind local souls drove away the fluffy devils, allowing Thorin to drive his car to safety. By then the sun had set and after quickly fixing his appearance, Thorin was ready to attend the dinner. Kili followed him as he drove to the Mansion. The road was much harder to navigate at night and he made one wrong turn which almost led him back to the pen of the devil incarnates, but eventually managed to find the building. He pulled over before the gate and Kili followed suit and got off his car.

“Are you sure you can make it back?” Kili asked, bowing down to see Thorin who was still seated in his car, looking at the bright Mansion with a loathful stare.

Thorin nodded. “There will be others. I think I’ll be fine.” Which meant he would tailgate some poor unsuspecting guest to make it back home.

Kili bit back a grin. “All right. Just call me if you need me. Good luck with the dinner.”

“I’ll try not to kill anyone,” he muttered.

Kili drove back home with a grin on his face. When he arrived, his friends and Fili had all gone out on their various Saturday night plans. Though a little disappointed, he went to the loving embrace of his bed and immediately leave the realm of consciousness. He woke up a few hours later around midnight due to hunger and sleepily checked his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed any rescue mission call. Thankfully, there was no message aside from the one from Fili asking whether he’s back yet. Kili replied him and, after a bit of half-asleep consideration, sent a text message to Thorin.

_Congratulation on returning home. Did you kill anyone?_

Yawning, Kili went to the kitchen to use his gatherer instinct and forage for food. Blessedly, his ever thoughtful brother left some pizza in the fridge. Kili sent Fili a picture of him falling asleep while biting a slice of pizza and reheated God’s ultimate gift to mankind. He was eating when the familiar ringtone chimed from his phone and grinned when he saw that it was from Thorin.

_No, but I made a valiant effort to relieve Thranduil of his best wines. Good night, Kili._

Kili laughed and put his phone on silent. After finishing his pizza, he went to his room to resume his love affair with his bed. When he woke up the next day, Fili was in the kitchen drinking coffee and complaining about the sun being too bright and too high and generally not being the damn moon. Kili decided that he wasn’t alive enough for that, grabbed a slice of leftover pizza from last night, and went back to his room to continue to sleep. He dreamt of red-eyed sheep jumping over Thorin’s car.

* * *

It became a bit of a routine to help Thorin. Sometimes Kili had to refuse when he had other things to do so that Dwalin had to abandon whatever he was doing to rescue his misplaced friend, but Kili went whenever he could. They developed some kind of a friendship because of this. Thorin would thank him with coffee or tea or meal and they would chat for a while about their lives and whose death they wished for that week before going their own ways (once Kili made sure he arrived at his destination, of course.) Once, Kili asked why he didn’t just hire a driver since he definitely could afford it and surely not being lost every few days would make work a lot more efficient but Thorin claimed he liked the sense of independence of doing things on his own. Kili thought that sense of independence shouldn’t involve needing someone to direct him to the right continent at least once a week, but he kept that thought to himself.

Now that he knew the full extent of Thorin’s barely-existent sense of direction, Kili was very worried when Thorin announced a trip abroad. It was one thing to drive a couple of hours to help him, but Kili (or Dwalin) couldn’t just fly off to another country to help him find the bathroom. In a rare moment of self-awareness, Thorin sensed this and assured him that he had a driver there to make sure that he would find his way safely, so there was no need for Kili to blackmail people to get money to buy plane tickets. When no phone call, text message, or email came for the next couple of days after Thorin’s departure, Kili relaxed and went about his daily life.

That was until on the evening of Thorin’s return, when Kili received a call from him. He had only spoken one word and Kili had already flown to his desk to find his car keys.

“Kili,” Thorin said, sounding more tired than Kili had ever heard him. He sighed, long and tired. “Are you busy?”

“No. Where are you?”

Kili’s jacket had only covered one arm when Kili reached the front door. He gave Fili’s concerned look a parting wave before darting away to his car. Minutes later he was on the road, cursing the rain and slow cars and maniac drivers. Somehow, he survived the crazy rainy Saturday night traffic and immediately looked for the location Thorin had given him. The restaurant was only a few minutes away from the city center, in an area Kili had been to a few times for reasons completely unrelated to walk of shame and, most importantly, an area far from the neighborhood Thorin lived in.

The luxury sedan was thankfully eye-catching because the restaurant was so tiny that Kili almost missed it. He jumped off his car and rushed into the quiet establishment. Kili immediately spotted Thorin sitting on the corner, away from a young couple, who were more interested in consuming each other mouth than their food, and sighed in relief. Thorin, too, seemed relieved when he saw him, smiling tiredly to welcome him when he came to sit at his table.

“Are you ok?” Kili asked urgently, studying Thorin’s appearance. He looked less sharp than usual-his white shirt wrinkled, his tie missing, and his black suit jacket had drying wet spots around his shoulders. At least there’s a cup of steaming hot beverage in front of him, but it only slightly lessened Kili’s worry.

“Yes. No.” Thorin sighed. “I actually arrived this morning and immediately went to a meeting out of town. It all went well-I brought a map-but I supposed I was more tired than I expected.”

“What do you mean?” Kili asked, frowning.

Thorin scowled and muttered about exhaustion and lack of concentration and general poor driver excuses and finally, upon realizing that at this point in their relationship Kili was more scared of Ori’s slingshot than him, huffed. “I might have read the map upside down,” he grumbled.

Kili stared for a moment. “Wow. That actually exceeds my expectations.” He rolled his eyes when Thorin glared at him. “And who the hell still uses a map anyway?”

“Me, apparently,” Thorin grunted.

Kili shook his head in exasperation. “You should’ve asked someone to pick you up.”

“It’s Saturday. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s plan,” Thorin grunted, waving the waiter over to bring Kili the menu.

“You could at least take a cab,” Kili countered. Nothing in the menu seemed particularly appetizing, so he ordered whatever Thorin was having. Once the waiter left, he stretched lazily, tension leaving his body now that he knew Thorin was all right. A little tired, perhaps, but at least he’s in one piece and in front of Kili instead of stuck in the middle of a deserted island or something two continents away.

“What about you?” Thorin suddenly asked. “Do you have any plan tonight?”

“Not really. I was thinking about going to the pub but I can do that tomorrow.” He smiled when Thorin relaxed. He had learnt that despite Thorin’s best effort to look like he only cared about the figures in his bank account, he actually paid attention to people around him. Not openly, of course, because that would totally ruined his image as unapproachable emo man which was definitely not a name Kili thought Thorin should have if he ever got too close to a nuclear waste site and became a superhero/super villain. But, he definitely cared for his family and friends. “What do you usually do on Saturday night? Pub? Dates?”

He intended it to be a joke, but Thorin glowered at him in reply. “Not you, too. I’ve been asked that question almost every day for the past few years. I’d rather not hear it from you as well.”

“Well, I never see you with anyone.”

“That’s because there hasn’t been anyone for a long time,” Thorin said dryly.

There’s an obvious joke about replacing the stick up his arse with something far more pleasing and preferably came with a vibrating feature, but Kili kindly ignored it. “I know the feeling,” he sighed, thinking of his last boyfriend who made walking and driving very interesting but sadly didn’t seem to realize there was a lot to do outside of bedroom, kitchen, living room, and that particularly memorable moment in a tiny broom closet. “Fili wouldn’t stop badgering me about going on dates because he thinks I haven’t moved on, even though it’s been almost half a year since my ex-boyfriend dumped… Oh.” He stopped, staring at Thorin with wide eyes. Shit.

Thorin, for his part, only blinked. “Oh?”

“Yes. I, uh…” Kili shrugged self-consciously. Thorin was the only close relative he hadn’t told. He had received nothing but support from his family and close friends, but there was no telling with Thorin who seemed to have certain expectations for everyone. Kili knew he had disappointed many of his expectations for him. Would this be yet another one?

“But you’ve moved on? From your ex?” Thorin asked mildly. He nodded calmly and slowly sipped his drink when Kili made a dying animal noise in the approximation of a confirmation.

“Are you ok with that?” Kili asked warily.

Thorin glanced up, raising an eyebrow. “Why shouldn’t I be ok with that if I’m also gay?”

Kili’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know that.”

Thorin shrugged as if he hadn’t just revealed a bombshell worthy of national news coverage for weeks to come and a few thousand RPFs. “I don’t exactly advertise it and those who know, know very well that I don’t like having my private life being meddled with.”

“So you threatened them to leave you alone.”

Thorin smirked, not denying. “I might have bribed them a little. And won a wrestling match with Dwalin.”

A grin grew on Kili’s lips as nervousness drained from his body. “I’ll be sure to do that, too, then.”

“Call me if you ever challenge Dwalin to a fight,” Thorin said in amusement.

“Oh, you’ll definitely hear from me if I consider making a will,” Kili laughed. “So how was that trip? Did you find time to not work and explore?”

At the reminder of the business trip he had just survived, mild irritation crossed Thorin’s expression. “Yes, in the ten minutes I spent not sleeping in my bed at night and the half an hour I’m in the car being driven to work. Would you like to hear about the interior of the car they assigned to me?”

“Order us wine and I’ll listen to you talk about the ceilings in your hotel room.”

Thorin waved at the waiter. “You asked for it.”

He did talk about the ceilings and the walls and the horrible family of spiders he claimed to be planning on preying on him but smartly hid somewhere whenever the hotel staff came to get rid of them. He soon tired of it, though, and they then speculated on the possibility of a secret villain lair masquerading as a respectable company. Kili made a theory about the culture of lizard people and Thorin considered the intimidation advantage of redesigning his office into a throne room. When they finally decided to go home, Kili felt a little intoxicated, but not from the cheap wine. He was all smiles when made sure Thorin arrived home safely and helped him bring his luggage inside.

While Thorin turned on the lights inside the house, Kili stayed near the door with the luggage. He looked around him curiously. Thorin lived in an old but well-mantained house which had been cursed with accommodating their family for a few generations. Kili had never thought of it, but it must be rather lonely sometimes to live alone in such a big house. There used to be Thorin’s grandfather, parents, brother, and sister with him, but now he was all alone, without even a lover to at least keep him company from time to time. Kili used to think nothing of it since Thorin clearly liked being left alone, but now he wondered if he’s really all right, if he ever wanted someone to be with him. Even loners feel alone sometimes.

“I’ll take that,” Thorin said as he returned to carry his luggage.

Kili nodded, smiling. “Thanks for tonight. The wine was terrible, but I enjoyed it.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “Was that why you kept refilling your glass?”

“Well, the company was good but his story was incredibly boring and I needed to numb my skull to survive that,” Kili defended himself.

“Story that you asked for in the first place,” Thorin reminded him with a smirk. He sobered up, though, and glanced at his watch. “It’s not too late if you want to go to pubs with your friends.”

“After everything I’ve drunk? Are you trying to turn me into an alcoholic?” Kili asked, laughing.

“I’d rather not have your mother coming after me,” Thorin huffed a quiet laughter. The laughter died swiftly, however, and he fidgeted. “I mean there’s still time if you want to enjoy your Friday night, have some fun with your friends or whoever.”

Kili frowned. “I think I’ve had enough fun tonight.”

Thorin smiled thinly. “Didn’t you say something about a boring story?”

It was meant to be a self-deprecating joke, but there’s too much wariness in Thorin’s eyes for Kili’s comfort. “I enjoyed your story. I really do!” Kili insisted when Thorin looked at him skeptically. “Yes, spending time with you is quieter than when I’m with my friends, but I don’t mind at all! It’s a good kind of quiet!”

However, Thorin scoffed warily and looked away. Bitterness stole across his face as he spoke, “You don’t have to say that. I know I’m a poor company.” The way he said that, the pain in his eyes, the grim line of his lip were painful to bear. “I’ve heard it enough times,” he added quietly, then cleared his throat loudly upon realizing he had spoken it.

“Whoever said it is an idiot!” Kili argued more forcefully than he intended. “I don’t say it because I’m your nephew or because I’ve rescued you from impossible places enough times to qualify for a hero award. I say it because I think you are genuinely a great person to spend time with. Yes, at first sight you’re very sharp-tongued, mildly unapproachable, a bit of a jerk if I’m terribly honest, intimidatingly quiet and just intimidating in general but…” Kili had a feeling he had said something not right and should probably stop now before it’s too late, but, well, he had said it so he might as well continue. “But you’re not really like that. You’re nice and funny and caring and surprisingly patient and understanding, as well as a good listener and excellent conversationalist. It just might take a while to see that and people who don’t see it simply don’t spend enough time with you, paying attention to you!”

Kili was breathless when he was finished. Before him, Thorin stared at him in astonishment. For a moment, Kili was worried he had spoken too much, but he figured that he had only been honest and that Thorin needed to hear that. He looked at Thorin expectantly, hoping that even if he was angry at some of the stupid things Kili had said, he at least believed that he wasn’t as bad a company as he had been made to believe. Kili wondered how to convince Dwalin to hunt down Thorin’s exes. It seemed that a few of them needed to be acquainted with the sharp side of Dwalin’s axe.

After a tense few seconds, Thorin cleared his throat. “I didn’t expect to hear all of that,” he said tensely.

“I mean every word of it,” Kili said quickly. “I really do.”

Thorin looked at him with a mixture of disbelieve and gladness. That moment, he seemed vulnerable-not a word Kili usually associated with him, but he did seem that way. He seemed exposed, all the good and the bad displayed for Kili to see. It was a marvel to behold, a privilege, almost. Kili smiled, happy to have caused it.

“Thank you,” Thorin said quietly and very sincerely, bowing his head humbly.

“Don’t mention it,” Kili returned gently. He smiled when Thorin looked up to him almost shyly. He wanted to stay and make sure that Thorin really believed in what he had said but the sight of the luggage reminded him that Thorin had just arrived home that day and was probably very tired. “Well, I’ll go home now. You should get some rest.” He smiled when Thorin nodded wordlessly. “If you need anything-even not driving-related things-just let me know, ok?”

“I’ll do that,” Thorin said quietly.

When Kili drove away, Thorin watched him go from the doorway. It was a strangely sad sight to see from the rearview mirror and Kili very nearly turned back but he kept going. He had only entered his quiet apartment when his phone rang.

 _Thank you_.

It’s a very short message but it made Kili smile widely. He quickly tapped out his answer.

_You’re very welcome. Good night._

There was no reply until the end of the night but Kili didn’t mind. He fell asleep sometime past midnight holding his phone. He wasn’t entirely surprised when a couple of days later he received a bottle of wine.

* * *

Happy voices filled the house, combining with soft Christmas music playing in the background. Delicious scent of various delicious dishes filled the air. The hearth crackled gently as logs burnt, spreading warmth around spacious living room. On one side of the room, Dwalin and Oin had an arm wrestling competition while Gloin collected bets and Dori planned the subtlest way to murder them.

Kili, Fili, and Gimli claimed one corner to compare the woes of college life. So far, they decided that Fili, despite is complaints about having the most boring and predictable life in the long history of their family, had the best future prospect as he was being groomed to replace Thorin in the future. He also wasn’t short of people interested in him, as shown by at least half a dozen of emails and text messages from girls during the course of their conversation, so all things considered, he’s doing pretty well. While Gimli wasn’t doing as well as Fili academically, he at least had a boyfriend, though for some suspicious reasons he refused to tell who he was. Kili had to gracefully admit that he probably had the saddest life as he wasn’t academically outstanding, was currently single, and wasn’t entirely sure what to do in the future, but before he got too miserable and Gimli convinced him the best way to get rid of misery was to teach it to swim in alcohol, Kili noticed that there was someone missing from the room. He frowned as he looked around, wondering where Thorin had gone off to.

Unfortunately, Kili couldn’t get away from Fili and Gimli fast enough. Once he finally did, he had to deal with relatives who wanted to know the current happenings in his life, meaning who he was currently fucking, which meant his hands, but he didn’t think they’d appreciate that information. And of course there was a potential family drama which Kili absolutely couldn’t miss and had to place bets for. It took him entirely too long to find Thorin’s refuge in the foyer. He had a bottle of wine next to him, where no one would dare to take it for fear of losing their fingers. Kili, however, calmly poured a glass of the delicious thing for himself.

“Not joining them?” Kili asked.

“I can hear everything just fine from here,” Thorin replied with an amused smile.

“And you have an excellent companion, too,” Kili said, taking a sip of the wine.

“ _Companions_ ,” Thorin corrected without looking at Kili.

Kili grinned. “Want to join our bet?” he asked conspiratorially. His grin widened when Thorin glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “We’re taking bets on who will propose tonight, Balin or Dori.” Kili gestured to the family room where for the past couple of hours both men had been very tense and self-conscious and not-so-subtly looked at their partner with eyes full of hope. If that wasn’t clear enough indication, there was also the fact that they had bodily dragged their respective brothers to the family Christmas party which could only meant one thing. “My money’s on Balin.”

Thorin harrumphed. “I don’t do bets,” he said haughtily.

“You don’t do bets or you just don’t like losing?” Kili teased.

“I _don’t_ do bets,” Thorin repeated. “Although, if I were you, I would think twice about where I put my money. Dori is far less patient than Balin.”

“But Balin loves tradition. He would want to be the one getting down on bended knee.”

“Except his knee would likely refuse such abuse.” Thorin smirked. “And Dori is a romantic at heart, not to mention that he loves making grand gestures. He wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity.”

Kili nodded in agreement. “Yes, but Balin is a planner and he has planned this party, including inviting Dori and his family. He has plans that involve more than eating and opening presents,” Kili argued.

They discussed Balin and Dori’s qualities for a while, both unwilling to concede each other's points. Thorin made some excellent observation for someone who at least once couldn’t tell that he’d been reading a map upside down. Kili, though, was confident of his own speculation. In the end, it was Dori and Dis’s announcement that dinner was ready that stopped the discussion.

“Are you sure you don’t want to make any bet?” Kili asked, turning toward Thorin as he walked to the dining room carrying half-empty bottle of wine which was sure to be polished clean within the blink of an eye.

“I’m very sure,” Thorin replied. Suddenly he frowned and grabbed Kili’s arm, pulling him back just before he passed the doorway to the family room.

Kili nearly dropped the bottle of wine and it was by sheer luck that he managed to tighten his grip at the last second. “What the…”

“Mistletoe,” Thorin explained, nodding to the mistletoe hanging above the doorway, one of the many Dori had put around the place for clear reasons. He had been ‘accidentally’ standing under one when he was near Balin about a dozen times now. Everyone else had been carefully avoiding the kissing mines, not being so keen on kissing their own relatives. “Unless you want me to kiss you.”

Kili’s eyes automatically drifted down to Thorin’s lips. It had been a while since he kissed anyone. A quick session with his right hand was one thing, kissing was another. The former might be effective, but didn’t provide the intimacy like the latter. Kili licked his lip. Thorin looked like the kind of person who’d know what he’s doing and he was kind of Kili’s type. He wouldn’t mind kissing him terribly much.

“Would you do that?” It’s meant to be a challenge or a joke but came out far huskier than Kili intended. He shook his head and pulled away from Thorin’s grasp. He must be drunker and more sexually frustrated than he had thought if he tried to seduce Thorin. “Come on. I’m hungry.” This time, he carefully evaded the hanging mistletoe to join his family at the dining table, Thorin following a moment later.

The dinner was mostly uneventful. Everyone talked over their mouthfuls, asking how everyone else was doing and complimenting Dori’s cooking. There was a brief surge of excitement when Balin stood up to make a toast. Everyone listened in rapt attention to every word he said and Dori was positively vibrating with excitement. Unfortunately (or fortunately for those who had their money on Dori), the toast ended with just that, a toast. Dori rather visibly deflated and Nori made an inappropriate joke about Santa and the back door which soon turned into a contest of who could make the dirtiest joke. Dwalin, Gloin, and Nori were the strongest contenders, flinging one joke after another, each dirtier than the one before. But, surprisingly, Ori won with a quietly whispered joke about archeologist and period dating, which led to five minutes of silence and prompted the entire table to ask for a glass of wine before collectively deciding it was time to open the presents (Dori loudly whimpered, wondering where he had gone wrong in raising his brother).

Everyone took their present from under the enormous tree which glittered more than all rappers in the world combined. Kili glanced at Thorin nervously. When he drew Thorin’s name a couple of weeks ago, he had immediately known what he would get for him, but he still wasn’t sure it would be well received. It’s not that he’s worried Thorin wouldn’t like his present because he knew Thorin was ultimately polite and gracious enough to accept any present, no matter how unneeded or inappropriate (the pink dragon dildo from Dwalin had been transformed into an elf with suspicious resemblance with Dwalin. It had been placed on the very top of Christmas tree for three years in a row now). He was worried about Thorin’s reaction. Kind and nice as he could be when he wasn’t trying to break people’s soul with scathing comments or dark looks, he was still a prideful man and Kili’s gift for him sort of acknowledged his shortcomings. Kili tried to take comfort in thinking that there was (probably) safety in number and stayed close to the fire poker.

The room was soon filled with sounds of paper tearing and polite awing, gratitude, and snickering. Kili received a beautiful gemstone inscribed with some kind of writing which came with a note reminding him not to lose it, which could only mean it was from his mother, but right now he honestly wouldn’t mind much if he received coals. He tried to hide the fact that he was watching Thorin’s reaction as he opened his present, but he probably wasn’t doing it very well because Fili asked him what was wrong and he had to elbow him hard in the kidney to make him shut up. Kili ducked his head when Thorin frowned at the GPS device in the box and looked around the room for suspects.

“If I may have your attention, please….”

Fortunately, a distraction came as Dori knelt in front of Balin. Phones were whipped out of pockets and all the attention was redirected from the presents to the proposal. There were gasps and impatient groans when Dori pulled out a magnificent ring. Those soon turned into laughter when Balin went red-faced and pulled out a red velvet box from his pocket. Once they exchanged rings, glasses of champagne were passed around and they all drank to the newly engaged and their poor time coordination and hope for a better-scheduled wedding in the future. All the betting parties agreed that it was a rare occasion where the result was inconclusive and thus everyone could go home with the contents of their wallets intact. That lasted about a few seconds before Nori started a bet about when and where the wedding would take place. Kili forgot his concern about his present for Thorin and didn’t remember it until he returned home. A notification for a message came just as he was getting ready for bed.

 _Very funny_.

Kili grinned and quickly changed into t-shirt and sweatpants. He quickly tapped out a reply once he’s comfortably burrowed under his blanket. His bed smelt like love and summer day, triggering his hibernation instinct and reminding him that he needed to wash his sheets.

_You mean very useful._

_In annoying me, perhaps._

Kili laughed, imagining Thorin telling the disembodied voice of the GPS that he would turn left when and where he damn well wanted to. He fell asleep with his phone in his hand and a smile on his lips. It was quite late in the morning when he woke up with his phone glued to his cheek. He rubbed his eyes and unstuck the poor device from his face. He was checking his emails when a message from Thorin came. It was a picture of the GPS device installed in what was clearly the dashboard of Thorin’s car. Near the device was a cup of coffee bought from a coffee shop outside the car, a coffee shop located across the town from Thorin’s neighborhood. There was no text but it was enough to make Kili laugh warmly and then think, _oh_. And then, o _h, shit._

* * *

_Your present is rubbish._

Kili typed a reply before he thought of it. _What happened?_ After which he buried his face in his hand with a groan, drawing curious looks from people going to and from classes around him. He had done so well. The GPS had done its job brilliantly, so that there hadn’t been any text message or call from Thorin for weeks. Kili experienced side effects of sudden compulsion to check his phone every five minutes and sporadic urges to sabotage the device, but he bravely bore it. Kili looked at the phone screen longingly. He should keep his distance-he knew he should. But, there was no denying that his heart leapt happily when he saw Thorin’s name on his screen. Kili groaned and hid his face in his hand again.

A short moment later, when Kili was busy trying to suffocate himself, the phone rang. It wasn’t a text message this time but a phone call, instead. Kili hesitated for a moment, weighing his choice. He should stay away until the feelings faded but this was Thorin whom he had known for all his life, who he feared and loved in equal measure, who he had just in the past few months discovered to have a charming side and wicked sense of humor, who he wanted to make happy and help and protect to the best of his ability, who could very well be lost in the Arctic on his way to his office right now. Kili went to a quiet corner and accepted the phone call.

“Hello?” Kili squeaked into his phone.

“This device is useless,” Thorin growled. There’s a faint sound of Monday traffic carnage in his background and Kili instantly felt bad for him.

“What did it do?”

“I wanted to see Dain but it sent me to the coast and almost made me take a ferry to cross the border.”

Kili blinked. “Are you sure you gave it the right order?”

There was a faint sound of blaring horn followed by a muffled curse before Thorin replied. “I told it to show me the route to Iron Hills that avoids traffic jams. It made me drive around the country to the coast, instead! And it’s still trying to tell me that the fastest way to get to Iron Hills is by passing through two countries, taking another ferry back here, and then driving to Dain’s office!”

A spark of warmth filled Kili’s chest cavity and he couldn’t help himself, smiling fondly at the ground while shaking his head. He leaned on a nearby wall, feeling strangely weak-kneed and light-headed. It was sickening how he found a fully grown man with a penchant for emulating an angry and particularly beardy bear being misled by a GPS device adorable.

“You do realize you can just ignore it?” he asked.

“What’s the point of installing it if I just ignore it?”

Kili couldn’t help himself, laughing fondly as he imagined the scowl on Thorin’s face. He was completely fucked and not in a good way. Yet. Kili cleared his throat and forcefully dragged his mind kicking and screaming screaming out of the gutter and focused on Thorin’s situation. “The point is not driving around the country to get to a city only two hours away. How long have you been on the road?”

“Since eight,” Thorin growled.

Kili shook his head, feeling bad for Thorin but amused by his misadventure at the same time. “Just turn off the GPS and drive the old-fashioned way: Following the road signs. They’ll eventually bring you back on track.”

Thorin grunted. “I did that for the past two decades and here I am on the phone with you.”

It shouldn’t be sweet, but somehow it was. One year ago Kili wouldn’t dream of getting messages and phone calls from Thorin unless on apocalyptic situations, but now they had become such regular occurrences that Kili began to look forward to them and want more, a lot more. “Indeed,” he agreed wearily. How do you un-love someone?

“All right?” Thorin’s voice came from the phone sounding far less angry than before.

No, I’m in love with you and this can only end in murder or being disowned, Kili wanted to say. “Yeah. Why?” he asked instead.

“You don’t sound well,” Thorin replied, sounding a little concerned and doing funny little things to Kili’s heart.

“It’s just…” Kili gestured vaguely around him although Thorin couldn’t see him. The fact saddened him far more than it should. Kili sighed heavily. “College. You know what it’s like.”

Thorin hummed in understanding but he didn’t sound convinced. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Kili said even though he’s as negative as it could be. “Listen, I’ve got to go now. Are you going to be all right?”

“The GPS is off.”

Kili chuckled tiredly. “Let me know if you need help.”

It was nearly impossible to concentrate on anything afterward. Kili was constantly distracted by worry for Thorin’s life, inescapably deep fondness, and feeling of wrongness. He wanted to help Thorin, he _needed_ to be close to Thorin, but he mustn’t be _too_ close to Thorin. The emotional rollercoaster drained him faster than a visit to Redtube and when he finally got home, he only grunted in reply to Fili’s greeting and then collapsed in his bed. He woke up hours later and his hand immediately went to his phone. The disappointment he felt when he didn’t see any message or call from Thorin definitely made him feel worse about his situation.

When Kili finally emerged from his bed-cave, Fili frowned at him in worry. He waved off his concern, though, and set out to find food in their kitchen. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much in there that wouldn’t require a Master Chef to make into a proper meal. Kili was contemplating what to order when the doorbell rang. Sighing, he dragged his feet to the door.

The last person he expected to see outside his door was Thorin, who so happened to be the guest Kili opened the door for. He looked a little tired from his adventure that day and his stubbles had grown a little long but otherwise he looked almost as sharp and intimidating as usual. He studied Kili and frowned deeply at what he saw. Kili knew without checking in the mirror that he looked like shit. He had bed hair and wore old wrinkly clothes and, based on Fili’s reaction earlier, very probably looked miserable and he did feel quite miserable. Kili stood taller, trying to appear well, but Thorin easily saw through the lie.

“You don’t look well.”

“I, uh…” Kili combed his wild hair nervously, trying to steady his leaping heartbeats. “I just woke up, so.”

Thorin’s frown deepened. He lifted his hand, showing a bag from the most famous restaurant in town. “It’s still warm.”

No, it’s impossible to un-love him. If anything, the feeling took root deeper inside Kili. It was just a small gesture and maybe Thorin was just being worried because after all he was Kili’s uncle or maybe he felt obligated to help Kili after everything Kili did to safe him from his broken internal compass or maybe he was struck by random moment of generosity and hunger at the same time. Yet, it still warmed Kili with affection. Kili wasn’t Dori-he didn’t care about grand romantic gestures. He wasn’t Balin, either-he didn’t care much about wooing tradition. But this tiny thing, just a small way to show that at least for a moment, for whatever reason, Thorin had thought of him, cultivated inside him the kind of feelings he had only heard of in songs and read in horrible romance novels that he totally had only heard of and never actually read. He loved Thorin.

“Oh, hello, Thorin! Come on in! What brought you here?” Fili asked, padding close to Kili and Thorin at the doorway.

“He didn’t sound well on the phone,” Thorin replied, nodding to Kili.

Fili frowned, looking at Kili who did his best to look normal and failing horribly. “No, he doesn’t look well,” he agreed. “Are you sick?”

“I’m fine! I’m just a little tired, that’s all!” Kili denied.

Thorin and Fili exchanged disbelieving look. Soon, despite Kili’s half-hearted protests, they ate the meal while watching a silly car show on TV. A little annoyed and very much lovesick, Kili let Fili do most of the talking with Thorin. This, naturally, only made them worry even more, but how did he explain that he felt he must keep his distance from Thorin because he loved him? Kili had never been good with keeping his feelings and thoughts quiet, but he had to be now. He focused on eating and watching the show and pretending not to listen to the conversation between Fili and Thorin and convincing himself that the glances Thorin sent him were merely product of his lovesick delusion.

There was comfort in… well, not number, but in having a company. Fili provided sufficient distraction for Thorin and Thorin was quite preoccupied with Fili as well. There was a small swell of jealousy in Kili’s chest but this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t want Fili to fuss over him and he didn’t need Thorin’s attention to encourage his feelings. The pain was simply a necessary part of getting his and Thorin’s relationship back to normal.

Kili quietly went to the kitchen to make tea at the height of Thorin and Fili’s discussion about the future of their family business. Alone at last, Kili sighed deeply as he waited for the kettle to boil. It was painful and exhausting to want but couldn’t have, to need but shouldn’t have. Some part of him wanted to go back to the way it had been many months ago when he barely talked to Thorin and didn’t know little details about him that painted him to be less of a human equivalent of an iceberg and more of a very fine and positively warm person. But, at the same time, he didn’t want to let go of the companionship he found in Thorin and not just because of the newly discovered feeling, but because he genuinely loved spending time with him, talking about important things and trivial things, and even rescuing him from the evil clutch of the labyrinth-like road network in the country. Kili rubbed his eyes tiredly. Why did his life have to be this complicated?

“Are you all right?”

The very familiar voice startled Kili. He turned around to see Thorin behind him, looking at him with a worried look. In the background, Fili laughed at something on the TV, but it sounded so distant. Kili swallowed thickly and tried to school his face into something resembling Switzerland’s neutrality.

“Yeah. I’ve told you I’m not sick,” he said with a shrug.

“You’re not sick, perhaps, but you’re not all right,” Thorin observed. “What’s wrong?”

Kili looked away, unable to stand the kind gaze of Thorin’s eyes. “I’ve told you it’s college stuff. It’s been very stressful and…”

Thorin crossed the distance between them in a couple of quick steps. When Kili looked up he was right in front of him, looking even more worried than before. The sudden proximity surprised Kili and when Thorin lifted a hand to touch him, he flinched. Thorin’s eyes widened in shock. He quickly dropped his hand and stepped back. Kili didn’t miss the pained expression on his face and his heart sank in guilt.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Thorin started to apologize stiffly.

“No, no, it’s all right!” Kili interrupted. “You surprised me and, well, uh.”

Thorin didn’t seem to feel better. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried.” He paused, swallowing thickly. “I think it’s time for me to go but if you want to talk to someone, I’ll gladly listen. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me,” he said quietly.

Watching Thorin turned around to leave was the most painful thing Kili had ever seen. He was undoubtedly hurt by Kili’s strong reaction to his touch and perhaps it was for the best, perhaps it would separate them so that everything would be back to normal. But, Kili couldn’t let it happen. He couldn’t let Thorin go feeling hurt, thinking he’s not wanted when the truth was the complete opposite of that.

“Wait,” Kili called out, reaching out to grab Thorin’s arm. It stopped Thorin but he was hesitant when he turned back to Kili. Kili grimaced as guilt stabbed deep into him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. You really did surprise me and, uh, I kind of want to be alone for now.”

This made Thorin more worried, but at least he seemed less hurt now. “What’s wrong?”

Kili smiled ruefully. “It’s kind of a difficult time for me and I need to sort things out for a bit.”

Though he still seemed worried, Thorin nodded in understanding. If only he knew how big his role was in Kili’s difficult situation. “My offer still stands.”

Kili couldn’t help himself, chuckling in self-pity. If only Thorin knew how much he wished he could take that offer and tell him everything. However, Kili might not be brilliant, but he knew right from wrong. This wasn’t something to discuss. It was something to viciously bury and forget.

“I know. Thank you.”

A few minutes later, Kili watched Thorin’s car left from the window in his room. He felt warm from the delicious dinner Thorin brought and the kind gesture in the kitchen. Thorin was so kind and Kili was so selfish, wanting more than what he was given and allowed to have. Kili glanced at his phone, thinking of Thorin’s offer to listen to his woes, and shook his head. He shouldn’t make anyone worried anymore, especially Thorin. He would try to act like normal, being close to Thorin as he used to do, talking and listening to him with no expectation other than to be a good company, watching over him for purely altruistic reasons, and maybe one day it wouldn’t be acting anymore.

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the sun made a rare appearance in all its warm glory. The early spring wind was a bit strong seeing as it’s the beach, but it was still pleasant. The view certainly made up for the chill. The sea swayed gently with the waves which slowly approached the beach to meet the pale sand before returning to the sea. There was no sea bird at this time of the year yet, but the sound of the crashing waves made up for it. The air was clear and there was no hint of the traffic so often found in cities. This was a picture of peace.

Except for the car half submerged in the seawater.

“How the hell did you drive into the sea?” Kili asked, bewildered.

Thorin scowled. “The GPS told me to keep going.”

Kili turned to him. “It’s the sea!”

Kili had known when Thorin called him to grumpily tell him to come that something had happened, but he still hadn’t expected this. He supposed he should be grateful that Thorin had managed to _stop_ and get out, but he was still too flummoxed.

“You know, it’s the sea! Distinctly not solid, quite watery, definitely not tarmac, deep in some places, quite possibly contains Kraken… It’s the sea!”

Thorin glared at him. “I know what sea is,” he growled.

“And yet you drove into it,” Kili pointed out.

Unable to argue, Thorin turned his glare to his sinking car. Kili rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help but notice how pale Thorin was. He wondered how long he had been here, trying to save the car on his own before ultimately giving up and getting help. Glancing down, Kili noticed that Thorin’s trousers were still damp. He must be cold yet he still tried to appear unaffected. Kili shook his head in exasperation.

“Have you called the towing company?” He waited for Thorin’s nod. “Good, let’s wait in my car. It’s freezing out here.”

Thankfully, Thorin didn’t try to argue this time. He followed Kili to his car which was safely parked away from water as any car should be. Once inside, Kili turned on the heater. He didn’t miss Thorin relieved sigh at finally escaping the cold. Kili wished he had brought something warm with him. He hated seeing Thorin miserable and, yes, he was miserable, although he tried to appear to be made of stone. Tired, cold, and no doubt annoyed at himself for making such a ridiculous mistake, Thorin must be quite upset. Kili said nothing for a moment, letting him look at the car with a mixture of irritation and resignation until he sighed quietly and slumped slightly in his seat, defeated by the conspiracy between technology and his lack of sense of direction.

“Maybe that GPS was a bad idea,” Kili mused. “It’s worse now than before you had it.”

Thorin grunted. “I’ve told you.”

Kili sighed. “I’d get you a driver, but I can’t afford it.”

“You could be my driver. That’s going to make our meetings so much less hazardous and easier.”

Things had been going well. Since Thorin visited him thinking he was sick a few weeks ago, Kili had been able to contain his feelings enough when he came to help Thorin. The feeling was still there, but he had learnt to ignore it, especially when he was near Thorin. It might take a while before he could fully stop loving Thorin, but it’s going pretty well. However, as much as Kili tried to control himself, a small hope still grew when he heard what Thorin just said. He knew Thorin probably meant nothing more than that Kili’s presence had become associated with the inconvenience of not finding his way to his destinations, but Kili still hoped he meant something else. He still hoped it meant Thorin wanted to see him more without the mediation of direction-finding-related problems. He bit his tongue, reminding himself that he should remove his silly crush-even if he knew it wasn’t just a crush. Unfortunately, Thorin noticed his prolonged silence.

“Out with it,” he said gruffly.

“What?” Kili asked in confusion.

“Your problem, whatever has been disturbing you for the past few weeks. Just say it.”

Kili tried to shrug nonchalantly. “It’s college and some minor stuff. Nothing that would…”

“No, no. We both know it’s not true.” Thorin turned to look at Kili closely and suddenly the car seemed too small and too enclosing and Kili became too aware that the backseat could accommodate two people if they’re acrobatic enough. “You have a problem with me. Just say it.”

“I don’t have any problem with you!” Kili denied vehemently.

“You have been acting strangely around me lately. Clearly it’s not true,” Thorin countered. He squared his jaw, taking a deep breath. “Just say it. What have I done?”

“What makes you think it’s something you’ve done?” Kili asked desperately. When Thorin didn’t reply, he frowned. “Thorin…”

“Just tell me,” Thorin said quietly.

Kili sighed and leaned heavily on the backrest, frowning at the grey sea and wishing he was across the channel so he didn’t have to do this conversation. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But it has to do with me,” Thorin concluded.

“I-yes.” He supposed it’s impossible to deny that now. But it was one thing to admit that this had something to do with Thorin and very much another thing to admit that he was in love with him. That one Kili must never say. “But it’s nothing bad!”

Thorin frowned, confused. “Then why does it bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t exactly bother me,” Kili muttered, trying his best to sink into his seat, doing his best impression of Thorin’s half-submarine. “It’s just kind of distracting.”

“I distract you?” Thorin asked, sounding more confused.

“No! Yes. Can we not talk about this? Please?” Kili pleaded. If this went on, he might say something he would regret and he very much wanted to preserve what he had with Thorin.

For a while, Kili feared Thorin would keep asking questions. He certainly seemed dissatisfied with the plea to abruptly end it and why wouldn’t he be since Kili’s answers were frankly suspicious. However, he merely frowned and looked away. Heavy silence filled the car, making Kili felt horrible. He didn’t want it to be this way. They had had a good relationship and he just had to go and catch feelings for Thorin and now he feared that no matter what, they would have this weird moment between them. There was no way things could go back to the way it had been, Kili realized forlornly. He rubbed his face tiredly. He had ruined everything.

Thankfully, the towing company showed up not long after. Kili breathed a sigh of relief and exited his car, followed by Thorin. Explaining what the car was doing in the sea was interesting. Kili stood behind Thorin, trying not to laugh at Thorin’s increasingly frustrated way of hiding his driving incompetence. Finally, having given up trying to understand how someone with working eyes and perfectly good sense could drive his car into the sea, the towing company went to work. Thorin and Kili watched as they braved the cold water to drag the sad car back to land where it belonged, regardless of what the GPS and Thorin thought.

“Do you think the GPS has to go?” Thorin asked.

“Well,” Kili started thoughtfully. “You’re lost a lot less nowadays, so it’s not completely useless. But, when you do get lost, you do so in the most improbable ways, so there’s that. It’s up to you. Do you think the GPS has to go?”

Thorin inhaled deeply. “I think it’s a _stupid_ device,” he said viciously, like it had committed a personal offense against him. He paused and when he spoke again his tone completely changed. “But it’s a gift from you.”

Kili looked at Thorin hopelessly. He suddenly felt warm, the chilling wind only a minor disturbance he barely felt. Affection spread across his body at the knowledge that Thorin considered keeping something he found useless solely because Kili had gifted it to him. Kili looked away before Thorin realized he was looking. He clamped down on his feelings. Thorin was just being polite and kind, not wanting to waste a present. Kili shouldn’t get his hopes up. He shouldn’t let it reinforce his stupid feelings.

“Well, don’t keep it for my sake,” Kili said, his voice sounding too strained even to his own ears. He dared not guess what Thorin thought of it. “Help is here, so I’ll go now. I’m sure you can manage from here.”

Without waiting for a reply, Kili turned around to leave. Usually, after completing rescue missions, they would talk over tea or coffee or whatever was available near them, but Kili didn’t think he could stay long this time. This was the briefest meeting they had had yet since the first phone call and Kili greedily wanted more, but he knew he mustn’t stay. He tried to keep his head up, affecting something close to calmness as he walked away, although he felt anything but calm. Much to his surprise, Thorin caught his arm, stopping him. His heart raced as he stared wide-eyed into Thorin’s cool gaze. He was suddenly aware of how close they were. Thorin’s imposing presence overwhelmed him with longing. It was a struggle not to let his eyes drifted downward to Thorin’s lips, to keep his mind from imagining how it would feel to hold and kiss him, to not wonder how it would feel to be Thorin’s lover.

“Do you want me to stop calling you? Do you want to not see me anymore?” Thorin asked so seriously that Kili’s heart ached from how much love he felt.

Kili shook his head. “Trust me, those are the last things I want,” he said despondently, pushing Thorin’s hand away. “See you later.”

Kili walked to his car without looking back even once. It felt like a goodbye.

* * *

There was no phone call or message from Thorin for the next two weeks, meaning that he kept the GPS device. Kili didn’t know how to feel about that. Of course he was glad that Thorin wasn’t lost that often anymore. He was _supremely_ happy that Thorin decided to keep the device, even if it’s not for sentimental reasons. Yet, he hated the way he had ended their latest conversation, the way he had simply left Thorin. It didn’t feel right and he wanted to fix it, assure himself and Thorin that everything was all right and would be back to the way it used to be. See Thorin again because Kili missed him so much. But, this was exactly what he needed. Time erodes feelings. Separation breaks attachment. No matter how Kili wanted to see and talk to Thorin, this was for the best, at least until he managed to get his feelings under control again. And what if he never got them under control again? Kili would rather not think of that.

Kili spent increasing amount of time staring at his phone, either debating whether to call Thorin or not or waiting for a message or call from him. Fili noted this, of course, and happily declared that Kili was love sick, although he wasn’t so keen on Kili’s object of affection’s apparent forgetfulness of the existence of communication technology. Kili rolled his eyes half-heartedly and told Fili to leave him alone, then got back to staring at his phone again. He was pathetic. He felt pathetic. At night, he fell asleep looking at a picture of Thorin he cut from the Christmas picture. Thorin was in the background, mostly hidden behind the others while smiling quietly, content to see his family happy even though it was clear that they drove him mad. Kili’s present was in the corner, kept away from curious hands, the wrapper and ribbon that Kili haphazardly used were put back, making it seem untouched. Kili missed him so much.

Yet, despite the amount of time he spent pining via his phone, when Thorin’s message came, he wasn’t staring at the device. In fact, it took him quite a while to realize that he had received any message at all. Sitting in his car just after the dullest class ever invented, Kili read the message. His hands shook a bit and he couldn’t tell whether it’s from excitement or nervousness.

_Are you busy right now?_

He wasn’t, but should he be? Was this the opportunity he wanted to patch things up or some kind of divine test for his determination to get over his love? Kili rested his forehead on the steering wheel, looking at the phone screen. He had never been this lovelorn before, but then again he had never been in love with his close relative before. Kili closed his eyes, wishing for some kind of a sign to tell him what to do.

Bright light suddenly flooded into the car. Kili looked up with a curse, startled. Right in front of him, his professor’s shiny metallic car reflected sunlight directly to his car. Shielding his eyes, Kili shut down the urge to make rude gestures as the old machine rumbled to life and slowly moved away from the path of direct sunlight. Gandalf saw him and gave a thumb up, suspicious-smelling smoke drifting out from his half-open window. Kili watched the old car leave the parking lot, spraying dark grey smoke to whatever happened to be behind it, but particularly the dean's, Saruman, spotless white car. Kili blinked and then looked at his phone again. There was a new message.

_Kili? Are you busy?_

Kili took a deep breath and replied. _Sorry, I was at a class. Is something wrong?_

Seconds ticked by very slowly. It had been a while since the message had arrived. Had Thorin given up waiting for his reply and called someone else? Had Kili missed his chance to fix things between them?

The phone rang as a message came. Kili frowned when he saw an address and rough direction of where Thorin was without any explanation of what had happened. What manner of horrific thing had the evil GPS done to him this time? Kili considered asking, but he doubted he would get a reply. So, he started his car and followed Thorin’s direction.

The location was out of town and Kili started to get worried when the address led him to rural countryside. Houses disappeared behind trees and other plants. The road became less smooth and less traveled. At some point, Kili couldn’t even find any clear address anymore and so could only follow the direction given on the text. He wondered where Thorin was heading to this time to be brought to such a place. At the very least they were far from sea and so far Kili had only seen a few sheep in the distance, plotting the demise of mankind and car-kind. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally spotted Thorin’s car, which he assumed had been repaired from whatever damage caused by trying to teach it how to swim.

Kili saw Thorin sit down among the grass some distance away, watching the fantastic view of spring and life returning to the area. He jogged toward him, feeling a little better now that he had found him. Thorin turned his head slightly when he heard him approach and smiled. That’s when Kili noticed that he was sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket and a bottle of wine beside him. Kili slowed down, confused.

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Thorin said by way of greeting. “Join me?”

Kili tentatively sat down beside Thorin. He watched, dumbfounded, as Thorin took out meal items Kili couldn’t be bothered to identify, as well as eating utensils from the basket. Kili checked the wine, wondering if Thorin was drunk, and found it still unopened.

“Are you ok?” Kili asked. “Are you lost or…”

“I’m not lost,” Thorin replied patiently.

“So why did you tell me to go here?”

Thorin stopped arranging the food to look at him. “What do you think?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kili stared at him, then at the meal spread before him, the warm blanket, and the wonderful view in the exceptionally good weather. “For a picnic?” he guessed timidly. When Thorin hummed and resumed serving the food, he blinked. Once again, hope and affection filled his heart, but Kili tried to rein them. Surely he was only misreading the situation. “What’s the occasion?” he asked, laughing nervously. “A thank you for all those time I helped you?”

“No. A date,” Thorin answered confidently.

They stared at each other. Thorin seemed calm while Kili was having a crisis. Surely he was tricked. Was it a revenge for the GPS device? Was Dwalin or Fili hiding somewhere with a camera, waiting to capture the moment he thought his uncle was asking him to a date? But, no, Thorin wasn’t that cruel. No matter how angry he was, he wouldn’t humiliate Kili like that. So had he heard wrong? Had he become delusional from longing?

“I-uh… what?” Kili said intelligently.

“A date,” Thorin repeated. “I admit I didn’t ask you properly but I wasn’t entirely sure you’d accept and I can’t…” He paused and then cleared his throat. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, of course.”

Kili studied Thorin closely. He noticed the tension in his shoulders, the deliberate neutrality of his expression, and the warmth flickering in his eyes. He could leave now and this would never be brought up again. Or he could stay and take what might be the biggest risk he had ever taken in his life. He bit his lip.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Thorin nodded, slowly but surely. “More than anything.”

Kili clenched his hands into fists. A smile tugged at his lips as love swept across every fiber of his being. There was a fear still, a rational part of him which told him that this was a bad idea. But Thorin was looking at him so sincerely and Kili had never loved anyone as much as he did Thorin and he wasn’t exactly known for being exceptionally rational anyway. It was a great risk. Would it be worth it? When he looked at Thorin, he knew the answer immediately.

“So you called me out here, scaring me in the process because it’s in the middle of nowhere and you didn’t tell me what happened, and tricked me into going on a picnic date with you?” Kili laughed in disbelieve. In front of him, Thorin tensed up. He smiled. “You’d better have a good wine to make up for it.”

Relief was palpable on Thorin’s face. He held up the bottle of wine for Kili’s inspection. “Is this good enough?”

Kili barely glanced at the label. “Perfect. Pour it for me and I’m yours,” he grinned.

Thorin’s eyes twinkled in delight. “Very well,” he said, smiling warmly.

They sat on the soft blanket under the blue sky for a good couple of hours. They talked about what they had missed in each other’s lives. Thorin talked about how he was in such an irritable mood that Balin left him a direction to a gentleman’s club, how worried he had been that he had read Kili’s feelings for him wrong, how the stupid GPS had kept him away from Kili, and how he finally decided to take this big risk. Kili, in turn, talked about how desperate he had been to remove his feelings and failed, how Fili had been both happy and unhappy with his new romantic interest, how he had decided to not keep hope, how afraid he had been and still was of _them_ but not as scared as he was now of the evil sheep which had slowly crept close to them. They decided that it was a sign to end the picnic and packed up. They walked to their car not exactly holding hands but they were close enough that their hands constantly brushed.

Thorin followed Kili to his car and crowded him against it, trapping him between Thorin and the door. Kili parted his lips slightly, eyes drifting down toward Thorin’s lips. The scant air between them was warm and electric, Thorin’s blue eyes were hypnotizing, and his smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Kili wondered why he had hesitated, excepting the whole incest thing, of course.

“We can’t let anyone know,” Thorin breathed, looking mesmerized by Kili himself.

Kili nodded, thinking of Fili’s perceptiveness and Dis’s keen eyes. “I know it’s not going to be easy.”

“But we’ll try?” Thorin asked hopefully.

Smiling, Kili took Thorin’s hand in his. “We will and we’ll find a way. We always do,” he replied, squeezing Thorin’s hand.

Thorin nodded and leaned down slowly. They kissed tenderly, sealing the promise, their beginning. No, it wasn't going to be easy, but Kili was ready to navigate the perilous path before them and when he draw back and saw the warmth and affection in Thorin’s eyes, he knew it for sure. There might be pain and tears in their future but they were ready.

**Author's Note:**

> This is 42 pages long omg I'm sorry. I almost included Ori's joke but it's honestly too dirty. It's [here](http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popula/68286-how-do-you-embarrass-an-archaeologist-give-him-a-used-tampon-and-ask-him-which-period-it-came-from) if you're interested. I'm also definitely not laughing at Thorin's lack of sense of direction because I have been lost in my own hometown a few times despite spending nearly all my life here. Anyway, visit me on tumblr where I now can make [gifset](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/tagged/gifset)!


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